Poem

[Hitomi]

I wrote this poem,but haven't really shown it to anyone.Opinions?

Look beyond the fake,forced smile and false tone
See through the tough "emo" emotionless exterior
Pretend the layer of cover up,lipgloss,& eyesmudge isn't there
Gaze into the eyes-the depth shows the weakness they bear
Do you care
Like you always swear?

No one can tell I'm dying
"Don't say what you keep saying"
I'm living proof the camera's lying
"I don't think the way you keep assuming"
Don't you realize I'm in the dark?
"Such a pretty face and a warm heart"
I should've known that some things were lies from the start

Purity and light?
Yeah right
No way
Not today
Not me
I can't be.

[Tsukiko]

These defintely seemed like lyrics to me as opposed of a poem.

[HyuugaHinata]

^I agree. Either way, it's very good.

[Praetorian]

Hey, nice poem patrick. What do you think of this one?

Ignore the raunchy manners please
And the tough, emotive face.
Forget I'm wearing makeup and
And into my eyeballs gaze.
I ask you, do you really care
The way you almost always swear?

I'm dying here, and no-one knows,
But I don't write that well in prose.
The camera lies... do you believe it?
I'm in the dark, and you don't grieve it.
My heart is warm and my face is pretty,
That's all I can do to young Patrick's ditty.

[~Nel Tu~]

Thats a pretty poem, but the ends weird ^^

[Praetorian]

mine or hers?

[~Nel Tu~]

Yours

[Praetorian]

lol, I just took her ideas and rephrased them, see?

[~Nel Tu~]

Oh ok then, then her poem is the pretty one

[Praetorian]

I'll put one of my poems on here soon

[estephanie_uchiha]

hey nice poem is really good:D

[Praetorian]

Mine or hers?

[sHaoLin_ruGby]

praetorian, make your own thread and we wiLL avoid confusion

[TsuHanyou]

I Think its A Very Beautiful Poem.
And i think thats the first time ive said beautiful on Tn.

[Hitomi]

...I think that's the first time I've ever seen you use the word "Beautiful" in a while......I don't even remember you using it on TW. :/ ...but I think you used it like ONCE....need to check.

And which one?

[TsuHanyou]

...Theres only one there.

[Hitomi]

So the one I wrote,since you didn't look at the reply poem.lol.

I wrote another one recently.It's less hate-driven and more...love-ish.It's about a kind of personal thing that I've been going through that only one person knew about.



If hearts are supposed to be in your chest,
Why is there a phrase that claims it's on the sleeve?
I guess my heart's in the wrong place,too
I'm trying to fix the damage now
I was so stupid back then

So you must want to sympathize
After all,you wrote a song
It wasn't of anger or disdain
But instead of your love for me
Hot tears rolled down my cheek as I listened
That's when I realized I just can't forget about you

I need you
Do you need me too?
Why was a half a year strewn on the cutting room floor of memory
While I stood by and let people tell me what I want and shape my mind?
If that's poetic,then I'm pathetic

It's obvious that I'm dying inside
My heart yearning and my head spinning
Eagerly awaiting something that by now I should know is a lie
And yet I wait anyways
I wait like a child waits for their birthday present weeks before they'll ever get it
Like a pet left outside of a door to where they know is their home
I feel more pathetic by the day
Yet I continue to linger

Wanting those all-too-farmiliar tears to roll down my cheeks
But knowing they won't come
Take a deep breath and pour myself a drink
While my soul slowly decays

[TsuHanyou]

:(....that *sniff* was so...Emotional..*wipes a tear from the eye*
lol

[Hitomi]

...was that a compliment?

[TsuHanyou]

lol. Yes

[Hitomi]

Then thanks.

[TsuHanyou]

yer Welcome

[Hitomi]

//.^

.....I've had a love song in my head for going on 5 days now....makes me almost sad....but it's SOOOOOO good!Now I know what it's like to be a drug addict. //_-'

....and I want mah celllll back.

[TsuHanyou]

dae ye hae anymore poems to share with us?

[Hitomi]

Not at the moment....and why are you typing so weird!?

[TsuHanyou]

Cuz m British dont ye know!

[Hitomi]

....since when?!I don't mean to go off topic,but last I checked you weren't british!

[TsuHanyou]

Why My British Soul Awakened Just Yesterday Dont'cha no!

But anyroad, Its a mint poem.

[Hitomi]

...what?

[TsuHanyou]

I Guess ill hae to speak normal 4 this.

Its a good poem.

[Hitomi]

Oh.Thanks. :)

[TsuHanyou]

y'r bleedin' Welcome

(your very welcome.)